The Holidays

Hey all. I don't want to sound like Scrooge and go all "bah-humbug" on everyone, but I am, essentially. Please don't think I am trying to be rude if I do not send cards, participate in holiday festivities, or gift exchanges. I am simply not going to celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense, or I suppose in the pop-culture sense. Thanksgiving was especially hard on me. I volunteered to work because I did not want to be home. Then I cried the whole drive home and sat in my car for 5 minutes before I could compose myself enough to be around my family. Then, I am sure they thought I was rude, I hid for a little while until I knew no more tears would drop out unannounced. I cried myself to sleep the next 4 nights. Christmas will be that much harder. Mom and I usually did all the decorating and getting ready for the big day. This year, tradition will no longer exist for me, and I am choosing not to celebrate it as I have in the past. There will be memories followed by tears and several emotions taking me over. I have turned down one invitation for a dinner, and I am not turning it down to be rude or selfish, I am turning it down because that is how I am choosing to manage my sorrow. Some may agree, some may not. But until you have walked in these shoes, please don't judge. This is what is best for me right now, and I hope everyone can respect my decision. I do not need a tree to remind me of what I no longer have. I have memories, and that is all I need and want. That will be enough for this holiday.